There No More Love Here.

I'm in Joliet right now on a break on a film shoot doing reshoots. Before I left the house this morning, my dad scolded me. And after the scolding, man, I felt so much like shit. I think my dad likes to make people feel guilty. He kept on asking me questions about the job I do on weekends.

"How much do they pay you?" I tell him, "It depends on the shoot. Between $35 to $60 per day." All of a sudden he explodes and tells me, "Shit, that's not even minimum wage!" Then he goes to ask me what I do on these film shoots and I tell him that I'm the boom guy. "That's it? That's why you went to college? To be a boom guy? You can't make money in that. I thought you were in sound?"

See, that's the fucking problem I hate about my dad. To him, sound is just post-production when it actually encompasses everything from boom to sound mixing to sound editing/mixing. I've learned to be the boom guy and how to edit/mix soundtracks.

He then tells me, "But boom guy? You went to college to boom? That's so easy!" I then tell him that booming is not as easy as it looks. He then replies, "No, it's easy, I know!" When he said that, I wanted to fucking punch him. I then tell him that booming is remembering the script, moving the mic in a way where it's out of the frame AND in silence. I wanna see him boom a 5-minute single take with 4 people in the shot with only one fucking boom mic. Let's see if he finds that easy.

He then tells me that they're not paying for my gas. I then tell him that the producers actually pay for it by calculating the number of miles I need to get to the shoot by the price of gas per gallon. He then tells me, "Are they paying for your tires?! Your engine?! You see, if that car dies, it's me who's paying for it!!!!" He then screams at me that they're paying me so little and I reply that it's only a student film and the budget is very small. I also tell him that a film shoot is not like a real job because there are many gaps in between takes. He then scolds me for not being at home and for not helping around the house. "You're not even doing anything in this house. All you do is go out. Sleep. Eat. Use my fucking internet and TV. You're not even doing the things I tell you to do like cutting the grass."

After hearing him say something about cutting the grass I wanted to take a fucking knife and stab him in a jugular with it. He's such a fucking hypocrite, he tells me to cut the grass when I have the fucking time and that week I had no fucking time. He then tells me that he's spending so much money on my brother, mom, and I. "I'm wasting my 401K on you guys and you don't care." Again, he makes me feel fucking guilty.

You see I'm grateful that my dad and mom pay the bills. The problem is that my dad doesn't appreciate anyone and on top of that he'll make you feel like shit. I think the only one he appreciates is Wency. He doesn't the appreciate the stuff I do for him. I think that's why I love my mom so much.

Fuck.

Get a fucking heart attack today.

Or tomorrow.

I hate you.

There's no more love here.

If you can't die, I hope God rips out your voice out.

Geez, I wish I won the lottery so I can fucking leave that house.